Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML
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