MonieeKay

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

Party time!

Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the person/thing that I interacted most with was a cat. FML

Gullible

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single, and jobless. FML

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

And IIIIIIIIIIiiiiiii

Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML

Y'all need him!

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

Quite the effort

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

The Office 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

Serious talk

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML