Mademoiselle City of evil, Usa 8 ans
Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML
Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML
Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML
Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing." The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML
Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML
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