Mademoiselle 36 ans
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML
Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML
Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML
Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML
Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML
Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML
Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML
Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML
Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML
Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML
Today, we got a speeding ticket in the mail with my drunk daughter's picture on it. She was waving at the camera. FML
Today, I posted a status on Facebook saying I was depressed and needed someone to talk to. Someone commented on it saying "Just kill yourself". It got 20 likes. FML
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, during a drunken night out, a really trashed friend said to me, "Jeez, even when I’m drunk, you're really ugly." FML
Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML
Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML
Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
