Monsieur British Columbia, Canada 33 ans Célibataire
Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML
Today, my professor called me out for drinking whiskey in class. I was actually drinking iced tea. FML
Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML
Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML
Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML
Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML
Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML
Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML
Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML
Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML
Today, I've actually developed a crush on a guy I never intended to crush on, and also can't have. For one he's married and utterly devoted to his wife. And even if that weren't true, he's so far out of my league I need binoculars to see him. And to top it all of? He's fictional. FML
Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML
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