timinator5000

Today, I was at a wedding reception. I had to repeatedly shout and wave like an idiot to the waiter for my order because he ignored me several times and kept forgetting about me. I was the bride. FML

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

Get me out of here

Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML