Canton 27 ans En couple
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML
Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML
Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving her boyfriend's nuts. Apparently, he'd snuck in through her window. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML
Today, my obsession with replying "Your Mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I'd done with my pencil. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML
Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, my mom demanded that I go into the basement and fix the water heater. I told her that I had no idea how to fix it, so she threw my phone down the stairs, told me to Google it, and locked the basement door behind me. It's been two hours. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was depressed so I went to the only bar in town. When I asked for a drink, I found out she works there as the bartender. FML
Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML
Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I confronted my husband about a pair of panties I found in his office. They're his. He put them on to show me that they fit. FML
Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML
Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML
Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how "gays" are destroying the "sanctity of marriage." I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML
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