Monsieur 42 ans Célibataire
Today, my friend asked me for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. I've never done it before so I googled it, my own boyfriend happened to walk in and now isn't speaking to me. He won't believe me when I say it was "for a friend." FML
Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML
Today, I gave a presentation for my final on class. While I was giving the speech my shirt strap broke. I ended up flashing everyone including the teacher. At least I got an A. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML
Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML
Today, at my new fast food job, I was in charge of filtering the grease out of the fryers. I accidentally turned the wrong lever and flooded the kitchen with hot oil. It took over 3 hours to clean up, and my manager is furious. FML
Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML
Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML
Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML
Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML
Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said, "Hello" to which he replied, "First, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML
Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML
Today, I ran into an old couple everyone has been avoiding in my small town. Four weeks ago, they accidentally posted a picture of their pierced junk on Facebook, and I was one of the unlucky people who saw the actual picture. I can't make eye contact with them anymore. FML
Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML
Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML
Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML
Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML
Today, my wife discovered Cosmopolitan magazine, and now only wants to have sex if I agree to try some of their sex tips. I fear for my genitals. FML
Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML
Today, I walked up to my sister's car to give her some money I owed her. She refused to open the window and take back the money. After begging her to open the window, a passer-by mistook me for a beggar and gave me some loose change. FML
Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML
Vous voulez la partager avec les autres utilisateurs de VDM ?
Votre VDM a bien été soumise, elle devrait apparaître en modération bientôt !
Vous pouvez publier votre VDM sur Reddit, elle sera automatiquement publiée sur la communauté.
Poster ma VDM sur Reddit
