Madame Vernon , Canada 36 ans En couple
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML
Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a two-minute walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML
Today, while I was casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML
Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML
Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML
Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML
Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML
Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML
Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. Now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML
Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML
Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML
Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML
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