Mademoiselle Toro-shi, Saitama Prefecture, Japan 31 ans Célibataire
Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML
Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML
Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML
Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML
Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML
Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML
Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML
Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, the guy I've secretly been in love with for years told me how hot my brother is. FML
Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Today, I sang the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song with a class of thirty 20-somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML
Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML
Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML
Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML
Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML
Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML
Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 minutes early, only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat, sat down, and unpacked. FML
Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I'd never met this girl. FML
Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years sent me a text message saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML
Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML
Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML
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