poop, poop
Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation about our future. Somehow it turned into a 10-minute discussion about what time of day we usually take a crap. FML
Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML
Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed, "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a Dementor. FML
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML
Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML
Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML
Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML
Today, I was playing solitaire when an achievement popped up on my phone. "You have just completed your 1000th game of solitaire!" Never felt so alone in my life. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
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