Mademoiselle En couple
Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML
Today, while grooming my horse, a spider crawled onto my ear. As if that was bad enough, I'm extremely arachnophobic, so I shrieked out of habit, which in turn caused my horse to freak out and kick me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML
Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML
Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML
Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML
Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML
Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML
Today, my new girlfriend took me on a double date with her, her best friend and her best friend's new girlfriend. Which would have been fine, if her best friend's girlfriend wasn't my recent ex. The small world of a lesbian. FML
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