Monsieur Orion, USA En couple
Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML
Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a "fat girl's bike." FML
Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML
Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML
Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say, "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML
Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
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