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twiztidlette20

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Fitchburg, Mass
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Friday 19 February 1993

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Good one, thanks

zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

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Anonymous - 02/09/2013 20:37 - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

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Spooky stuff

thanks, dad... - 30/08/2013 17:24 - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

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Anonymous - 09/08/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

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Wanker

fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

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