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Noise complaint

scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

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Home sweet home

Anon - 30/04/2014 02:07 - United States - Maidens

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

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You bastard

ccgundum - - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

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Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

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Anonymous - 23/12/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

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