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twitche

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Twitche's favorite FMLs

By seriouslywtf - 28/04/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

agreeclassic 117 438

vote type 1 9 303

Reddit

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

agreeclassic 321 759

vote type 1 23 044

Reddit

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

agreeclassic 512

vote type 1 153

Reddit

Excuses

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML

agreeclassic 295 694

vote type 1 54 200

Reddit

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 949

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