alexisaurus

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Alexisaurus's favorite FMLs

By houdini - 03/02/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

agreeclassic 28 972

vote type 1 11 712

By anonymous - 23/01/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

agreeclassic 24 501

vote type 1 2 911

By Bex98 - 11/01/2016 08:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

agreeclassic 27 786

vote type 1 8 066

Bex98 app_comment_confession_title

Bex98 6

mardi 12 janvier 2016 1:03

So, this is my FML. I'm not sure if it's verified, because I keep forgetting my passwords. Like a complete ******* haha. But anyways, this answer was prompted because I asked the server to describe the alfredo sauce, and she said: "It's creamy and white." Also, the FML about the veteran and his pickup line was also mine a few months ago, and of course I didn't have an account when I posted then either. Also, my brother did not willingly hang out with me haha. My family and a few other families were travelling together, and the teenagers, who all happened to be friends of my brother, went to eat together.

By BURGERT0WN USA - 10/01/2016 19:46 - United States - Redmond

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

agreeclassic 21 349

vote type 1 2 650

By anon - 05/12/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

agreeclassic 25 152

vote type 1 2 836