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Quiet

Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

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Family Matters

whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

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Kim - 22/03/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year-old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

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Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

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Good boy

anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

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