Praise Jesusman - Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML 3 145 363
Anonymous - 01/09/2018 20:30 Today, after 3 days of hearing a car alarm going off almost continuously, the city finally came and towed it. Immediately after, the owner showed up with a switchblade, inquiring who called the city. My neighbors ratted me out, despite the fact I had nothing to do with it. FML 3 150 181
Anonymous - 09/02/2018 03:18 Today, my son pointed out that his friends in relationships have no fun, no money, get nagged constantly and all in return for infrequent unsatisfying sex. An unfair trade in his opinion. I couldn't help agreeing with him. My wife overheard what we were saying and is threatening divorce. FML 76 27
TeaSea - 11/02/2018 01:30 Today, I told my class I was giving them 60 seconds to do a problem. A girl replied furiously "At least give us one minute!!" I teach a high school honors math class. FML 5 387 479
Anonymous - 05/03/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML 26 920 3 147