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FuyuNoAkashi69

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Anonymous - 26/09/2018 16:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally sought help for my alcoholism. They told me they wouldn't help me until I'd stopped drinking. Um... what? FML

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Phill1188 - 16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2018 15:00

Today, a large figure busted my front door window. Fearing a burglar, I shot at them with my sidearm. Opening the door, I saw the mailman, in his new brown shorts, and my large custom bedding he'd plopped against my door. With 5 new holes. FML

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Ball Is Life

Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

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Anonymous - 15/09/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

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