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facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

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NiHao - 28/09/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

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Anonymous - 03/05/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

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Is everything OK?

ehbe - 27/11/2008 08:52 - France

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shouted back in unison: "We're fucking! Go away!" FML

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jada - 04/01/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

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