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RainTears

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FMLbot_fml

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lovers5201

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Walked into that one

loser - - United Kingdom

Today, I told a friend that he looked smarter with his glasses on. He took them off and said, "Oh, and now you look more handsome." FML

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Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

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Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

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anon - 05/12/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

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