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lolzor - 12/03/2009 12:07 - Australia

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

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Anonymous - 24/02/2016 20:35 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

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KornyKid - 21/02/2016 08:01 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

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Nice spread

Anonymous - 19/02/2016 20:36 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

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fucked5waystofriday - 19/02/2016 19:51 - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

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