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SimmoDestroyer

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Gold Coast, Australia

Simmodestroyer

I know all of life's secrets. Wanna know too? Just ask.

Simmodestroyer -

Marie1994

Simmodestroyer -

Simmodestroyer

lovers5201

Marie1994

HarleyBlue...

Jesmassimo

cutycat136

johhnn

aliceaudre...

ragnarok15...

wyatt2189

hurtfeet

Littlest_t...

ayangie

HarleyBlue...

Jesmassimo

ragnarok15...

Simmodestroyer

Simmodestroyer

Must've been a good joke

HAIL SITHIS - 24/07/2015 18:54 - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said, "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

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annonymous - 07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

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Placebo

mother teresa was a cunt - 17/09/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

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BX - 17/10/2015 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

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Anonymous - 17/08/2015 22:46 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

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