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Thursday 26 July 2001

Jacksonch2607

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janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

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Anonymous - 01/07/2013 05:50 - United States - Austin

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

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The creepy guy next door

Anonymous - 05/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML

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Fartfail - 18/04/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

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ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

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