abby2915

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Abby2915's favorite FMLs

Caught

By Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

agreeclassic 18 849

vote type 1 76 289

Rotation

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

agreeclassic 63 736

vote type 1 17 619

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

agreeclassic 59 016

vote type 1 13 238

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

agreeclassic 53 072

vote type 1 5 414

By Gixie - 24/03/2013 15:56 - Ghana - Accra

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

agreeclassic 38 195

vote type 1 6 675

Gixie app_comment_confession_title

Gixie 25

jeudi 28 mars 2013 3:24

Alright. Where to start. 1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy". 2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me. 3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself. 4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake. 5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts! 6) I do not live in Ghana.