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offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

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Anonymous - 22/04/2015 14:14 - United States - Athens

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

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ThatSlappinBass - 18/04/2015 02:00 - United States - Pawtucket

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

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ThatSlappinBass

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samedi 18 avril 2015 15:37

Hey guys, OP here! Yes, it did start off as a friendly game- we all have a really sick sense of humor, so the worse the cards got, the more we laughed. Right around the last two hands, my best friend's mother started screaming at her husband for "cheating" and then everyone got involved on both sides, and then **** were pulled out, and the phrase, "Suck these nipples!" was shouted. The dog is just a brat, but it added to the chaos. We all laughed after, but that's an image you never forget.

Anonymous - 17/03/2015 14:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boss chewed me out for leaving a work function early. I explained it was to avoid a former co-worker I constantly fought with. The boss revealed he purposely invited that former co-worker, hoping our fight would provide entertainment. FML

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maybe? - 11/02/2015 16:11 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

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