bigred002

My Aunt has ALWAYS done something nice for us after a deployment, she is our only family nearby and frequents our home during his absence to make sure I'm still alive when I disappear for days, she used to freak out but now knows she will always find me passed out next to his motorcycle:p(she knows where my spare key is and uses it so much it might as well be hers.) Normally she is waiting outside for us after corresponding with me, but this time she decided to be secretive to try and scare the pants off us (beat her to it) by hiding in the coat closet directly behind the front door and jumping out right as we came in. We did so loudly, crashing into both doors. Said closet has a push button lock on the outer knob, in perfect position.....then of course we got loud and into ourselves, not noticing her calls or knocks. She knows of course how we are after he returns, but her plan just backfired a bit:)

Hi, OP here. I posted this before I had an account, and just found this again looking at random fmls. I live out in the country on a gravel road so there isn't much traffic, and my cat, (Indy for Indiana Jones), is very good with cars. Also, the cat shelter where he was raised allowed the cats outside through a cat door. At first he was an indoor cat, but he started marking different areas of the house. It stopped for a while after we started letting him outside. But then if we were asleep or about to go to bed, and refused to let him out, he started marking again. That's when we got him the cat door. There have been no problems since then. We can't just get rid of him. My autistic brother loves him very much, and is great with him. And Indy is VERY affectionate, at times acting more like a dog than a cat. (That's not an insult, Indy loves dogs.) A lot of times they sleep together with Indy at his feet, or sharing his pillow. Indy will also watch tv with my brother. They really are great for each other. As for bringing animals inside, he will kill them, and sometimes eat them, but a lot of times we notice he has something before he's hurt them. In which case we get the animal away from him, and hopefully outside. The mice sometimes run away before we have a chance to do anything. Also, once he dropped a completely unharmed sparrow in his food dish. Of course it flew all over the house before we finally got it out. I guess he thought it would stay in his food dish? Yeah, he's not always the smartest, but we love him. Oh, and the count for chipmunks, both completely unharmed, is now up to two. All told, he is one of the best pets I've ever had. I just wish he would get the mice out, not bring more in. PS the reason there are mice in the house, along with living in the country, is because the foundation for our house wasn't built properly. There was a twelve foot long area that only had styrofoam between the outside and the inside of the walls. Yeah, the guy who built our house is a moron. Sorry for the long post. Thanks for the fun comments.

Alright. Where to start. 1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy". 2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me. 3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself. 4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake. 5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts! 6) I do not live in Ghana.