magikarpsmurfs

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36 years-old
Saturday 06 May 1989
Not specified

A propos de Magikarpsmurfs

Legos & Eggos on a dragon roller coaster ride, down skittles mountain this time. My best friend is a mime & I can't seem to find my lucky leprechaun this time. I only like dogs when they can beat me in a game of pong. Never trust a fish that doesn't clean it's own dish. Onions think that they're ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

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Magikarpsmurfs's favorite FMLs

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

agreeclassic 21 017

vote type 1 62 620

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

agreeclassic 31 437

vote type 1 5 170

By Idle_Twin - 17/05/2015 17:53 - United States - Miami

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

agreeclassic 14 931

vote type 1 33 422

By Anonymous - 10/09/2014 03:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

agreeclassic 47 636

vote type 1 14 102

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

agreeclassic 45 043

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