Ctrl_H

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Philadelphia, PA, America
38 years-old
Monday 23 March 1987
single

A propos de Ctrl_h

I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.

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Ctrl_h's favorite FMLs

By immaturity all around - 31/03/2013 17:55 - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

agreeclassic 39 781

vote type 1 6 988

He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

agreeclassic 48 703

vote type 1 10 351

By Purplexus - 02/01/2014 14:13 - Turkey - Ankara

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

agreeclassic 53 367

vote type 1 5 384

Purplexus app_comment_confession_title

Purplexus 14

jeudi 2 janvier 2014 19:01

Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha

By Crashed - 01/01/2014 18:21 - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

agreeclassic 60 486

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By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 20:39 - United States

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

agreeclassic 52 048

vote type 1 5 791