Black_Knight80

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Black_knight80's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 799

vote type 1 1 939

Great, just great

By lax22 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

agreeclassic 48 181

vote type 1 6 316

By the long distance guy - 08/04/2014 07:56 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

agreeclassic 47 795

vote type 1 6 992

By phantomthelabrat - 31/03/2014 12:24 - United States - Fargo

Today, I was assigned to be the one to teach Grandpa how to use his new smartphone. An hour in, and we're still going over volume controls. FML

agreeclassic 43 587

vote type 1 4 235

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 05:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

agreeclassic 46 660

vote type 1 4 731