•
•
•

Zitaheartmilk

0

0

5

0

221

6

Zitaheartmilk

Me

Zitaheartmilk -

Zitaheartmilk -

Zitaheartmilk

lovers5201

adb1827

Zitaheartmilk

Zitaheartmilk

Anonymous - 09/04/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

53 069

5 414

Almost done

Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

70 620

3 453

MrKento - 08/04/2013 23:16 - Honduras - Tegucigalpa

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

53 544

5 035

MrKento

MrKento 15

mercredi 10 avril 2013 1:30

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

La Guigne - 08/04/2013 21:10 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

32 668

7 896

Excuuuuuuse me?

Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

55 556

11 524