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myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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3 963

ABBenzin - 01/02/2012 16:11 - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

41 466

3 790

Fridge fight

kb. - - United States

Today, I found out how it feels when a refrigerator door unhinges and falls on your toes. FML

32 756

2 517

Got talent?

sorrygrandma - - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

48 975

4 286

Gotta get that sweet sweet nicotine

MCMB33 - - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

38 693

3 173