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Denial

Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

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Midion - 11/07/2016 22:52 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I biked to the lake. And by "to" I mean "into". With my phone in my jacket and my laptop in my backpack. FML

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Midion

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mercredi 13 juillet 2016 2:32

Sorry for the typo. I had this funny adventure and I didn't want to open an account to share it. By the way, I do exist in Milton (Cambridshire), and the lake was in Mill Road, Cambridge. I had to f***ing bike 20 minutes back home totally wet. Luckily my impermeable jacket and my rain-proof backpack saved my electronics.... Let's make a laugh together on it! Cheers, El Midion (this name is obviously not real, I don't wanna tell you my real one! XD)

Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

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FML - 11/07/2016 21:16 - United States - Pine Bush

Today, I was at work and a guy walked up holding his phone with the camera facing me. He then looks up at me and says, "I'm not taking a picture of you. I'm just trying to catch a Pokemon." And here I was thinking that I looked nice today. FML

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nightjay - 11/07/2016 14:32 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML

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nightjay

nightjay 21

mardi 12 juillet 2016 4:44

Hi, OP here! It was just a casual morning today, and since my mom usually waits for me to get up (because I'm usually pretty lazy out of bed), they wouldn't leave my bedside. Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my extremely Catholic mom, I said no when she kept on telling me to get up. Finally, laying on my side (facing away from my mom) she boils over and pulls the covers off, and in my attempt to save my covers from falling on the floor, she sees my boner and immediately assumes I was masturbating. I don't know which was worse: getting grounded, getting the "masturbation is evil" talk, or having my mom see my dick. Triple FML. Thanks for the support! All the penis-puns make me smile :)