dswhite85

896

San Diego, United States
39
Sunday 29 December 1985

Dswhite85

United States Marine

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Dswhite85

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Dswhite85

TMI!

Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

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It's not funny, mate

Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:12 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

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fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

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ToughTitties - 14/12/2012 13:45 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

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ToughTitties

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samedi 15 décembre 2012 12:48

Hey guys, its the OP here (didn't get an account to post the FML, but had to in order to comment, hence the name change) I'm not fat, I'm probably about 125 pounds and 5 foot 3, I was just leaning over- you know how your tummy kinda.. yeah. You guys get the idea! My boobs are way bigger than my tummy so it's all good. But I'm probably going on a diet after the holidays, because you guys are such ... well.. I can't say inspiration, more like a virtual kick up the backside. Thanks for commenting on my post, and happy holidays to you all!

MiscHats - 14/12/2012 12:28 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I was on a crowded bus when the woman behind me vomited. The guy next to her was a sympathy puker. So were 3 other people. There was no room to escape. FML

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MiscHats

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samedi 15 décembre 2012 6:45

Perhaps I should have made this a little more clear, but yes, I did get puked on. Unfortunately the woman behind me was in a seat which was higher than mine, and thanks to the laws of physics, that meant the vomit sailed nicely downwards and splashed onto the back of my head. She didn't aim into her lap. The guy next to her had the aisle seat, and he at least puked into his lap. One of the other three who puked was standing up in the aisle, and I'm pretty sure he splashed a few people. The other two were at the front of the bus. Basically, it was a Pukey Bus from hell. Getting off was maybe the happiest moment of my life.