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Damm - 24/01/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I have an autoimmune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

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2 770

Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

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Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

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3 076

Freaky family

tkoester - - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

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1 635

Risk management

Anonymous - - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

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