•
•
•

tookietookie123

0

0

5

71

1422

30

Los Angeles, California, United States

Tookietookie123

Tookietookie123 -

Tookietookie123 -

Tookietookie123

lovers5201

lusciousas...

viicckkiie...

mrscitizen

powderedpe...

anab

Princess_E...

Thoricstea...

coming bac...

Toughsky

teentee401

curticus

Tookietookie123

Tookietookie123

offbeans - 17/02/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

267 596

90 937

Anonymous - 01/08/2011 08:32 - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

35 578

17 573

44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

23 797

57 316

Cool off

chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

40 280

3 507

Snurkles - 07/07/2011 12:19 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

48 121

7 090