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Lifeguard - 04/04/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

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2classicNot2 - 09/04/2011 07:52 - United States

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

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DaisyMay - 04/04/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

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Username - 04/04/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

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Anonymous - 21/03/2011 17:32 - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

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