10 out of 10 for originality
Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML
Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML
Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML
Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML
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