Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because, "He's Canadian" and according to her, "They don't lie." FML
Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML
Today, I was driving when I saw that a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me, he was admiring my truck. This is the fifth time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML
Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML
Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML
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