depressed_child

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML