Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML
Bliepje
Mademoiselle 38 ans
Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML
Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML
Today, someone stole my coat. I can only imagine their surprise when they find the $3,000 engagement ring I bought earlier. FML
Today, my wife cancelled on our date we had planned for over a month. It would have been our first one-on-one date since the birth of our first child. Our child is over 13 months old. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Creepypasta
Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML
Anger issues much?
Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML
You what now?
Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML