LongJohnnie5

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Longjohnnie5's favorite FMLs

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

agreeclassic 21 176

vote type 1 79 312

Oh, hello there

By Jon - 18/01/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

agreeclassic 57 755

vote type 1 8 885

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

agreeclassic 33 629

vote type 1 5 751

By TattedAsian - 11/01/2010 07:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked for me to come to her. Then move my head in close to her and close my eyes. Expecting a sweet and romantic kiss I positioned my lips for my surprise. My surprise wasn't a kiss, instead it was a nice crunchy booger she placed in my mouth with her finger. FML

agreeclassic 50 026

vote type 1 5 886

TattedAsian app_comment_confession_title

TattedAsian 0

mardi 12 janvier 2010 0:27

TO ALL: believe it or not my girlfriend is older then me and I'm 22. we have one of those immature/mature relationships. on a scale of 1 to 10 of being mad, I would say I was at an honest 1. on a scale of 1 to 10 of being surprised/humor I was at an all time 10. I got the booger out of my mouth and acted like I placed it in the trash can. 5 minutes later I wiped it on her lips. Not the same but good enough for me. Ive always told her that when you go digging for gold you should always share with the towns people. So she did, lol. I cant blame her cuz I would do the same to her.

By Mic - 07/01/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

agreeclassic 27 539

vote type 1 4 655